Have you ever walked along the beach and caught your foot in sea weed? Only to realize it was dog poo. But then to save face made up a story about an electric eel, a chocolate bunny and a jug of precariously balanced milk?

No? I thought as much. You guys sure live boring lives!

Rajat loved to talk. He also suffered from a gastro-intestinal condition brought on by an overdose of Diet Pepsi which caused him to ignore all bodily and verbal cues which told him to, "Shut your mouth and stop talking."

He was religious to a fault which means he wasn't religious at all. But what he lacked in religion, he made up for with an extra large can of bird feed. "Aaa Aaa Aaa," he'd go as he fed the pigeons. And "Aaa aaa aaa" would go his elderly neighbour from her balcony window.

Unknown to Rajat, his elderly neighbour had the hots for him. One could tell she had been a beautiful woman in her prime. But now, in the even years of her life, she wondered what it would've been like to have macadamia nut tea with a dash of lime.

Meanwhile, Lime "The Sour" Lemon was planning his escape from the cold storage facility. Equipped with a spoon and a nearly frozen tadpole, he felt he could just dig a tunnel to China. Little did he realize that tadpole would grow up to be King Tuk-a-Luk -- the last ruler of Sparta.

King Tuk-a-Luk peeked into the horizon at the dotted Persian ships. With 300 of his warriors, he started forming phalanxes until the Immortals told them they couldn't play with no clothes on. Angry at being told off, he started the Xerces Corporation to manufacture printing equipment. His subcontractor misspelled it as Xerox -- and the rest, as they say, is history.

Jyoti was a hyperactive teenager. She just didn't know when to stop. She tapped her feet incessantly on the wooden floor. "I wildy wonder if I can tap dance," she wondered wildly. So she went to the kitchen sink, climbed on to the medieval tap and started dancing.

She was a tiny girl. Sort of like Thumbelina. But larger. People called her Fingerina. She hated that name. "It is demeaning to women," she would say, "And pretzels." She thought about pretzels now, especially the little boy she had fashioned out of mini hard pretzel rods, and it made her happy.

She thought of all the wonderful times they had spent together. That's when she slipped on a soap sud and would've fallen in, had a spider not swung to her rescue.

Moral: Spiders may be good people but they are better insects.

Leia was a spunky woman -- not the sort to take things lying down. So we moved against the window sill.

Some people like blowing candles on their birthdays. I envy their husbands. I pity their wives.

... is some tender loving care from a sweet, attractive and seriously hot woman.

On second thoughts, lets remove the word 'care' from the previous sentence.

Geeta was an angry woman, internally and externally enraged that she could never become what she wanted to be.

Her most noticable flaw, however, was that her pants didn't quite fit.

and my head throbs.

Badal was a fine lad. He entertained himself by entering paper shredders and exiting unharmed.